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This application was sent to the ACB and received a reply
To
The Australian Cricket Board
Cricket Australia
60 Jolimont St
Jolimont 3002
To Whom It May Concern
RE - AUSTRALIAN TEST CAPTAIN VACANCY
Dear Sirs.
I wish to apply for the vacant position of Australian Test Cricket Captain pending the retirement of Shane Waugh.
I have been involved in cricket for all of my life and currently I captain the C Grade cricket team for the Wonthaggi Workman’s Club and have been hitting the ball quite well recently. I also open the bowling for the team and my teammates describe my bowling as “nippy”.
This season we have been enjoying unparalleled success in the local competition and sit atop the ladder. Our nearest rival in the competition (Wonthaggi Miners) is full of Pakistani’s, but that doesn’t matter.
On a personal note, I have been working hard to improve my leadership skills and sledging of the opposition. However there is no truth to the rumour that the sledging caused the all in brawl against Leongatha Town 2 weeks ago. It was in fact the conduct of their wicket keeper who was drunk at the time.
My batting record speaks for itself and I also hold the record for the Smiths Beach Cricket Comp, being undefeated on 724 with play being interrupted due to the tide washing away the pitch.
I realise that there may be some areas that I may need to improve on if I were to be appointed to this position and one of my concerns is that I have yet to face a ball being bowled at 150kmh, however I am willing to learn.
My leadership skills are exemplary and I run my team in much the same disciplined way as Shane Waugh’s team. In the first game of the season I sent our first slip from the field because he chose to field in bare feet. I didn’t think his conduct was in the spirit of the game and he sat out the rest of the day in the bar while we fielded with only 13 men.
I also have experience in dealing with the media as I regularly get interviewed by the local paper, The Sentinel Times. I would be more than willing to write a regular column for one or more of the major metropolitan papers and generate our own publicity. I’m sure you guys could tee that up for me?
I am very personable, likeable and am a genuine down to earth good bloke. I don’t drink alcohol on game days, I don’t gamble, except on the races, and I don’t have a mobile phone. I would also be willing to relocate to Kirribilli if I was selected for the position.
I look forward to discussing the position at an interview.
Kind regards
Darran
Smiths Beach 3922
Victoria Australia
The following referees would be more than willing to provide me with a reference.
NAMES BELOW HAVE BEEN DELETED FOR PRIVACY:
Surfing Referee
Newhaven
3925
Football Umpire
Wonthaggi
3995
Soccer Referee
Surf Beach
3922
******** ********
FOLLOWING IS THE REPLY FROM THE AUSTRALIAN CRICKET BOARD
2 December 2003
Mr Darran
Smiths Beach Vic 3922
Dear Darran
Australian Test Captain Vacancy
I refer to your recent application for the position of Captain of the Australian Test Team which arrived at this office on Tuesday 2 December
You may have heard that last Friday, (four days before we received your application), Cricket Australia announced Ricky Ponting as captain-elect to take over from Steve Waugh (or \"Shane Waugh\" as you refer to him in your letter).
In light of this announcement and in spite of your self-acclaimed credentials and appealing personal qualities, I reget to advise that the Board will not re-consider its decision to appoint Ricky Ponting.
Thank you for your interest in this position and best wishes for the future.
Yours Sincerely
JAMES SUTHERLAND
CHIEF EXECUTIVE OFFICER
P.S. The fact that you could not find a cricket umpire to support your application did not help your cause!
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